


Seven Things You Never Knew About the Murder Husbands; A Tattle Crime Exclusive

by ElectraRhodes



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Definitely canon compliant, Hannibal Holiday Exchange 2017, M/M, Post TWOTL, Reckonings, for sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-19 23:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13134351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElectraRhodes/pseuds/ElectraRhodes
Summary: 'Hannibal ran a cursory glance across various news sites he kept a careful eye on. Then, more for old time’s sake than anything else, he opened up the Tattle Crime site. He ran an appraising eye down the front page. He made a small grimace and then smirked a little, maybe Will could be persuaded to finally track down the journalist after all?“You’ve been terribly rude Ms Lounds. What’s to be done about that?”'My gift for the #HannibalHolidayExchange2017 And a very merry Christmas, Yule, Hannukah or secular few days off..





	Seven Things You Never Knew About the Murder Husbands; A Tattle Crime Exclusive

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely Merri - for the 2017 Hannibal Holiday Exchange! based on the following prompt "I don't really have one, I just feel blessed to be part of such an amazing fandom. I love giving and receiving, and want to make this Yule season even more special. So. thank you." They did however mention they really loved Molly and Freddie and that they shipped Hannigram really hard. Honestly, this is a great prompt as I feel pretty much the same. I love this fandom too, so I'm really glad to do my bit this yuletide and Christmas. I hope it's a very happy time Merri. Hugs and flower crowns to you...

Freddie looked over her notes and then thumbed her way through the pictures she’d taken over the last week. The wizardry of the digital age meant it was only minutes before she was uploading a tantalizing headline to Tattlecrime.com. 

“Seven Things You Never Knew About the Murder Husbands!”

Several thousand miles away Hannibal ran a cursory glance across various news sites he kept a careful eye on. Then, more for old time’s sake than anything else, he opened up the Tattle Crime site. He ran an appraising eye down the front page. He made a small grimace and then smirked a little, maybe Will could be persuaded to finally track down the journalist after all? 

“You’ve been terribly rude Ms Lounds. What’s to be done about that?”

The article, if you could call it that, was Freddie’s usual stock in trade of innuendo, implication and snide aside. Though she had some fantastic quotes from a range of impeccable sources to flesh out the story. Even if a few of them were a little close to the bone! He made a small snarly face and then stopped himself. It absolutely wasn’t his ‘about to come’ face, no matter what Alana said!

Hannibal looked up when he heard the back door close loudly and Will gently chiding one of the dogs. He debated. On the one hand Freddie would make a marvelous target, and this might be just the push Will needed. But on the other, the comments, quips and quotes were liable to push Will in one of two directions; maudlin self pity, or annoyance with Hannibal at the reminder of all the bridges and boats and other things he had burnt in running away.

He weighed things for only a moment and then decided, after all what would life be if it was lived without the opportunity for regret?

“Will? I think you’d better come and have a look at what Ms Lounds has decided to grace her front page with.”

Will came into the living room, took the tablet from Hannibal and then slowly sat on the sofa as he read the first paragraph. He read the whole thing through, his swipes up the face of the screen increasing in agitation. At the end Hannibal marveled that there wasn’t actually smoke coming out of Will’s ears.

“I’m going to kill her. Or Alana. Maybe Jack too.”

Hannibal raised his eyebrows, this was an unexpected bonus that he had not anticipated.

“All of them?”

Will almost threw the tablet onto the seat beside him.

“Well, maybe not Jack, that wasn’t so bad. But Freddie? For sure. Alana? I could be persuaded. Unless..”

He trailed off,

“Ahhh, you’re thinking trap?”

Will sniffed,

“It could be. It’s a pretty good bit of bait, isn’t it?”

Hannibal conceded the point. If Freddie was in cahoots with any of the subjects she’d interviewed it would explain both the level of their cooperation and the number of direct quotes she’d decided to use.

“We could draft a rebuttal instead?”

Will grinned.

“Actually that sounds perfect. Let’s do that. We can use a proxy server can’t we? Or mail it?”

Hannibal smiled back at his most dearly beloved.

“Yes. Without any risk to us either.”

Will smiled even more broadly.

……………………………

Three days later Freddie heard her email ping, she opened up the app, read both the email and the attachment and laughed out loud. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed a number from memory,

“Molly? Hey, it’s Freddie. They bit. Want me to read their response? It’s a hoot! Will really hated you saying how bad he snores!”

She listened to the voice at the other end of the call and smiled and smiled and smiled.

Over the course of the afternoon she made five more calls. And by the sound of it everyone was in. Even if they couldn’t lure Hannibal and Will out of hiding they could all use a little fun at the Murder Husband’s expense.

Freddie rubbed her hands and then called in reservations to a nice place in DC she knew about. She had a quick look at the comments on the first article. Then used the analytics tool to see how many additional hits the article had generated. Noice. Then she replied to the email from Hannibal goddam Lecter. With any luck she could get a whole series out of this! 

……………………………..

Freddie was pretty pleased when Molly Graham arrived at the restaurant first. She’d developed a liking for her fesityness when Molly had thrown a tray at her in her hospital room when she was recovering from the appearance of the Red Dragon in her life.

Everyone but Frederick Chilton showed up in person, and even he skyped in for a bit. They all laughed out loud when Freddie read Will and Hannibal’s response to the first article. Jack Crawford wiped his eyes,

“Honestly? I feel like some huge weight has lifted.”

“Not so invincible after all Jack?”

“Exactly. Hilarious. That jibe about Will’s kisses? That clearly hit home hard.”

Alana laughed,

“Especially as three of us commented on it.”

She smirked at Margot and her wife winked back. Even Molly grinned a little.

Jimmy Price laughed,

“And the bit about Hannibal’s grammar and sentence construction? Harsh.”

“But fair.” Bedelia interjected, “honestly, some of the time he was incomprehensible! ‘you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love’ Where was his punctuation, his use of ‘to’ instead of ‘with’, appalling. And he could be quite snippy about it.”

They all frowned a little, all too familiar with just how ‘snippy’ might outwork in reality. Freddie rallied them hard.

“So, good job. I thought I might just post this in its entirety. What do you think?”

The Federal agents looked at each other, and then there was a gradual agreement from everyone seated round the table.

“Ok. Awesome. And then? Then I think we hit them with a short weekly column, with a new revelation each week.”

Alana’s eyes widened,

“They’ll kill you!”

“Yeah? Well. Good luck with that. And really? I’m just the medium not the message.”

The eight of them looked round at each other. It was a bit of a risk. Freddie made a short ahem noise and read the first few lines of the Lecter-Graham response again.

“Dear Ms Lounds, we’re both somewhat surprised by your recent article, and would like to put you right on a few minor items. 

Whilst they are not in any way significant or indeed important, there are just a few things that we wouldn’t wish to give the wrong impression of, about, of, (query ask Will which is better). 

The issue of kissing. I would like to say that my experience suggests that the Verger-Blooms are quite wrong and the Ms Foster-Graham may be simply harbouring some resentment over her losses. Will is perfectly good as a kisser (suggested edit: Hannibal, I’m an excellent kisser for fuck’s sake, try and sound a little more enthusiastic right?) and indeed needs no practice. 

Despite Dr Verger-Bloom’s comments Hannibal doesn’t have a snarly just-about-to-come face. It’s more of a ‘lost-in-the-ecstasy-of-the-moment face. (Suggested edit: Hannibal! We can’t say that, more to the point, I can’t say that, I sound like an idiot.)

Will does not snore. Ms Foster-Graham is quite wrong. And in any case might I suggest some memory foam ear plugs, they are quite excellent, should she be especially sensitive to any noise. (No Will, that does not imply I have experimented with different kinds. I assure you, you merely sleep deeply and breathe regularly.)”

Freddie stopped and looked round the group,

“I know. It’s still really funny. Do you think Hannibal knows he sent the un-edited version?”

Bedelia laughed,

“I honestly don’t care. You should print as is. And as for further columns. I’m in. You wouldn’t believe some of the things he said and did in Florence and Paris”

Freddie grinned back at her,

“And none of it protected by doctor/patient confidentiality?”

“Not a thing.”

They spend maybe an hour fleshing out the next few weeks of revelations about the Murder Husbands. After everyone had gone Molly smiled at Freddie,

“You know, I’ve got a few pictures of Will I might be willing to share. For a price.”

Freddie smiled straight back,

“Even if I don’t use a black box.”

Molly nodded,

“Uh huh. And really, it doesn’t need to be that big if you do use one.”

She winked. Freddie laughed. This was such a win whichever way you looked at it. Every way you looked at it.

……………………………………..

Will read through the article on Tattlecrime and then closed his eyes. He tried some zen breathing. Nope, not effective in the least. 

“Hannibal? For Fuck’s sake! You sent the unedited version of the letter to Freddie! She’s printed the whole damn thing!”

Hannibal came into the kitchen with his eyebrows raised, he took the tablet from Will and read the article. Will moaned,

“There’s going to be a whole series. She’s promising pictures.”

Hannibal looked up sharply, pictures? He blanched slightly. Bedelia had had a camera in Florence.

“Perhaps it’s time we pay Ms Lounds a little visit. And maybe Dr Du Maurier.”

Will grimaced.

“Honestly, they’ve both got what’s coming to them.”

Hannibal smiled.

“We should make some plans then. I’ll find my recipe book.”

He smiled at Will,

“I’ll make some dinner first.”

............................................................

A little later that evening Hannibal carefully deleted a range of emails and drafts from his main account. No need for Will to know about the little nudge he’d given Ms Lounds to get things going again. And for sure Will would almost certainly be content with just Bedelia, and maybe Alana. After all Hannibal likes to keep his promises. He sends off a quick email.

“I think it’s safe to say you’re quite safe from me Ms Lounds. The world is, after all, more interesting with you in it.”

He drifted off into the kitchen to make some evening snacks. Will watched fondly as he left the room. Then he grabbed the tablet and hastily found his email account and deleted several of his own emails, really he must get a tablet of his own. And soon.

“All right Freddie, good job. And we’ll leave you and Molly alone for sure. And please I beg you, make it a decently sized black box or Hannibal will suspect. And thanks. He was getting very ansty, and that’s not a good look on Hannibal, and honestly I needed something as an excuse. Oh. And I suppose you’d better warn Bedelia.”

Hannibal returned with a tray of snacks and a small glass of Madeira each, they smiled at each other, quite content.

Happy murder husbands.

...................................................

Many miles away Freddie’s email pinged once and then again. She read both emails and laughed and laughed. Then called Molly Foster Graham.

“We won.”

Molly sighed. She let out a long breath she thought maybe she’d been holding for at least the last six months, ever since Will got up in the night to read that damn letter he’d been sent. She grinned down the phone,

“I think we did Freddie. I think we did. Are you going to tell Bedelia Du Maurier?”

Freddie laughed,

“You ever hear one of her lectures? She’s just a female version of Hannibal fucking Lecter.”

Molly gulped.

“Fair enough then. And Freddie? Thank you.”

“You are entirely welcome Molly Foster. Nice to finally get one over on them. I think it’s possible you were the smartest person in the room all along.”

As she hung up the call Molly sighed, that letter had been a terrible thing, and they’d wondered all along if it might come to it. Still in the end Will was an almost willing sacrifice and she and Wally had made it out alive. Hannibal fucking Lecter. She shook her head. And then she smiled. And then sat down and drafted her own email, to a certain Mongoose.

“All good. And all done. Good Luck.”

She got a reply a little later, and wondered if she’d ever hear from Will again,

“You too. Hug the dogs. Hannibal doesn’t know it but he says thank you too.”

There’s another email a few minutes later.

“I wasn’t that bad a kisser was I?”

Finally Molly Foster laughed, Really laughed. Happy murder husbands? Happy murder ex-wife. Who survived. Lived. And was going to make sure she damn well thrived.


End file.
